Sometimes, the only way for a woman to cheer herself up is to visit the “casual encounters” section on craigslist and laugh, laugh, laugh.

We’ve all been there: It’s Monday morning, you're late for your job, but have to stop for gas; you can’t wake up, but also can’t afford a $5 cup of coffee; and you get a speeding ticket on the way to work — just fuck’n lovely. On such a case of the Mondays, it’s often near impossible to work, let alone successfully transition from meh to mahvelous. Enter: Craigslist casual encounters.

Craiglist.org is a Web site that allows its users to post ads and photos for pretty much anything they want — from concert tickets, to puppies, to free firewood, to requests for a woman with nice feet who wants to give a man a “dope foot job”. In fact, one very special section of this site allows people who are probing for one night stands and/or trolling for a fuck buddy to post ads for “casual encounters.” Don’t insult me by pretending you don’t know what this is.

I’ve always been fascinated by the fact that, when asked, men will quite often just pull out their Don Johnson and show it to you — further proof that we humans derived from monkeys. In an effort to see what they’d do, I’ve twice in my life (albeit years ago) asked a man to pull it out while at the bar. And both times the man did… an action which both times resulted in me pointing and laughing. It’s wasn’t necessarily the size that warranted the guffaw, it was the fact that they did so after a complete stranger suggested it, and that they had acted so casually about this overwhelmingly bold action. Also amusing was the fact that neither of these men took the time to at least get the sucker half-mast first.

*Please note: no one wants to see a flaccid penis… no one. Smack some sense into that thing before such an exhibition.

When I’m in need of a good laugh and find myself checking out this section of Craigslist, I am often blushing, laughing, and saying aloud “eeewwww!” or “oh my god!” (and not in a good way.) But it’s like realizing your TV all of the sudden gets the porno channel for free — you become overcome with curiosity and cannot bring yourself to look away. I mean, it’s free for fuck’s sake! So there I sit, clicking only the ads with images, and chuckling at the various shapes, sizes and colors of dongs — not to mention the techniques men use to show off their dick and lure women into a no strings attached relationship.

Although these photos are mostly taken with camera phones, the men posting these ads often use creative angles, or reflect it in a mirror; they even make the photo sepia tone for that artistic flare that just may catch a woman’s eye. Hunting for ammo just now, I saw a image of a man with his boner concealed in zebra-print Snuggie — you just can’t make this shit up, folks — and a man with his junk resting on a can of Edge shaving cream… so you can, you know, size it up. Men can be rather innovative when they put their minds to something… well, when that something is sex.

The act of a man posting a phallic photo in hopes to bang it out with an also horny stranger reminds me of this footage of a bird of paradise from the Planet Earth series: 

 


And what can be learned from this video and from the countless dick pics on Craigslist?


Males will do anything to get laid: hop on one foot, dance, sing, do a trick, wear bright colors — all actions that seem to scream “Look at me! Look at me!” or “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?” for the less motivated of animals.

P.S. You thought I was kidding, didn't you?